Happy New Year!

If cats got hangovers, they’d probably look like this

I Wish Steve Jobs was Alive so I could Kill Him

Ladyboy o’ the Day

Me Tarzan, you Jane… Wait, I think you Tarzan also

Everything’s gonna be All-White

So you’re supposed to wear all white clothing during the vegetarian festival, like the good people in the picture above. Unfortunately the only white t-shirt in my cupboard looked like this…

The Meat Man Shirt

…which obviously might not be considered the most appropriate attire during a festival dedicated to purity through vegetarianism. At the very least it would just be confusing, so I forked out three bucks and bought a white singlet instead.

Wearing white seems like a bad idea when you’re going to be ramming sharpened spears and such through your face. Hell, I avoid wearing it when I’m about to chow down on spaghetti bolognese — you just know it’s going to get messy.

The over-sized novelty chopsticks were quickly recalled from the market

Word to your Mother…

“Wanna taste my Mother?” – Wow, that sounds like all kinds of wrong.

Constant readers,

Would have posted more about that wacky Vegetarian Festival and all things travel, but I’ve been busy moving country. Again. Anyway, I might try and post a new pic every day or so just to get through the backlog. Blogging is way high on my list of priorities right now. Right after trimming my nose hairs and washing the garbage.

Meanwhile, here’s a picture of a man taking his impression of a human vacuum cleaner just a little bit too far:

 

 

Crazy Piercings – They Ain’t Faking It

Just in case there were any doubting Thomas’s out there, allow this Carrot to assure you the Vegetarian Festival body mutilations are not fake.

These aren’t a bunch of yo yo’s running around with plastic joke arrows through their heads (ala the crude sketch below)

Not Happening: This

The fact of the matter is I took these pictures with my very own busted-ass iPhone 3GS and my Photoshop skills are, at best, sub-crud. It’s all real — and apparently, as long as you follow the 10 principles of the Vegetarian Festival, you can perform these otherwise painful feats without any ill-effects. Just like the 10 Commandments, only with more metal junk and stuff through the face.

So that’s where my bed posts got to

More Vegetarian Festival 2012 Madness!

Chasing three 10mg Diazepam pills with a few shots of Hong Thong whisky seemed like a fantastic way to get to sleep early — being able to wake up by 4am the next day, not so much. Unfortunately this meant I arrived at the Kathu shrine some three hours late for the morning procession. All that was left were a few tables full of pineapples, a bunch of expired fire crackers on the ground and a road block made up of wayward buffalo.

Pineapples: SO much more interesting when their protruding through some guy’s bloodied jowl

Normally, I’d cracker joke about now

First I get every red light on the way here, and and now this

Fortunately I’d taken some 237 photographs and videos of crazy, knife-through-the-face action at the Bang Neow shrine the day before, so there’s plenty more of that stuff to post, trust me. If you’re a fan of human voodoo dolls and personified pin cushions, stay tuned.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, unless it’s affixed to a giant pole rammed through your face

- CC