Park Your Shoes at the Door

So most of the time when you’re bumming around in Thailand it’s too hot and too impractical to wear shoes. Since it’s often disrespectful not to take them off in Thai people’s homes, shops etc, you just end up wearing thongs, which are quickly and easily removed in 2 seconds – and put back on just as fast.

Guess which ones are mine

A “thong” in America is apparently what we Aussies would call a G-string, so just be sure that I’m not suggesting it’s rude not to take your sexy underwear off when entering a restaurant here (although there were some places in Bangkok where- …err, never mind).

You'd look a right twat with a couple of these on your feet

Anyway: Thong = flipflop/sandal/whatever in Australian lingo.

If there's a picture that better illustrates my point here, I'd like to see it

The problem with thongs is they leave the greater part of your foot open to injury, provide almost no traction in wet weather and break very easily in places a shoe would not. I learned the hard way not to attempt to walk over the rocky bit of a beach with thongs on since the slightest slip can rip the rubber bit between your toes out. Just trust me on that one. You’re better off barefoot, but only when clambering over rocks at the beach when you haven’t got shoes handy.

The other night I made the mistake of standing up while gripping the accelerator on my motorbike. The bastard spazzed out on me and drove all over the curb until I could wrestle it back under control. I had my own little private rodeo …in thongs, and with with a 125cc machine instead of a beast. And this mechanical bull had two wheels and one hell of a foul temper, that it ended up taking out on my exposed big toe.

Feast your eyes on this festy-ness:

That reminds me - gotta pick up some more mustard and tomato sauce

 

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T WEAR SHOES

…and get careless with your bike.

It’s a good thing foot massages are only like $7 an hour, although with my enormous hooves I wouldn’t be surprised if they started charging extra.

 

"Oooheey! I see elephant hab more small foot dan dis falang..."

I could cite more examples of when you’ll wish you wore shoes, but I’m about to head out on a Shark run. Shark is pretty much the Thai version of V or Red Bull in Australia. It’s about a buck a can, packs a caffeinated whallop, and can be used instead of ice on gross toe wounds.

– CC

 

When it comes to wound care, I have a CAN do attitude

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About Cranky Carrot

Half-assed travel blogger and burger connoisseur.
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7 Responses to Park Your Shoes at the Door

  1. tanya says:

    yup, to me thongs are worn under low-rise jeans, not on your feet.

    another Briticism that bewilders me: if you call a flashlight a “torch”, what do you call a big stick with fire on one end? Shouldn’t there be a bigger distinction between a harmless battery-powered light and something carried by an angry mob?

    • That’s a “fire torch”. You know how often that comes up in modern every day life? Never, that’s how much :)

      In all seriousness you would know from the context. If the power went out in my apartment and I asked my neighbour for a “torch”, they’re hardly going to bring me a stick with fire on top of it from a cave now, are they?

  2. Scully says:

    Just one question… those manky, bloody toes look mighty painful. How does getting a one-hour massage help you? No matter how economic!

    • They just do the left foot and charge me full price since it’s twice as big as a regular foot. Takes my mind off the pain of the right foot scab mank.

  3. Scully says:

    Yeah it is quite a clodhopper! :D It’s like twice as big as her head! XD Jokes ;)

  4. Pingback: Evil Toe Rides Again | Cranky Carrot

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