And so it transpired that Cranky was indeed right to be paranoid about the flight, as the primitive plane ploughed into the straight of Malacca after stalling during take-off. For a brief few seconds the Carrot felt a supreme sense of satisfaction that he’d been correct all along, proving the naysayers wrong. Then he realised he was going to die horribly and it took away from the victory somewhat.
The US government debated whether or not to release pictures of Cranky’s cross corpse to prove his death. Ultimately however, the public refused to believe his body had been buried in the Andaman sea – in accordance with Muslim law – especially since Cranky was a devout atheist.
So here now, witness the indefatigable proof of death – this photo taken of the carrot shortly after his body was pulled from the smouldering wreckage of that ill-fated ATR-72:
RIP Mr C Carrot